When The Village is Truly Absent – Parenting in a Pandemic
Therapeutically when we explore ‘support seeking’ we explore whether or not support is available and accessible, whether the support available is helpful and aligned, and also we explore the mothers individual and internal experiences of seeking and accepting help and support.
The journey into and through parenthood comes with so many expectations, from so many directions, well-meaning friends and family, health professionals, media, social media, as well as our own experiences and expectations of self.
In the western world we live in, we hold an individualised mindset, in which independence, autonomy and self sufficiency is celebrated, promoted and admired. Right from infancy, we are sent messages that foster this mind set…
This mind set works against us. Feeling as though we aren’t meeting the expectations of parenting can be one of the biggest barrier to seeking the support we so often need, as a normal part of the mothering journey.
On top of this, parents of the 21st century are now facing a difficult barrier, an ever changing obstruction to the supports that they would have previously described as accessible and available. The current state of our community, in facing the COVID health epidemic, has left parents, both expectant and veteran, feeling anxious, overwhelmed, stressed, sad, angry, grief stricken, disconnected and alone. Rules designed to keep everyone safe from the spread of the virus, are in turn leaving parents isolated and struggling. This is the opposite of how families were designed to thrive. Mothers, parents and families need connection and accessible access to helpful and aligned supports.
Seeking help during a time where we are feeling so distant from our support system, may feel difficult, impossible even. Below are some helpful ways to build your village, during a time of social distancing.
I feel, I need. Thinking about how your family and friends may be able to support you during your postnatal journey is really important. Being able to ask for what you need, is even more so. "I'm feeling overwhelmed by the thought of being alone when our baby arrives, it would be helpful if you could support us by.....
meal delivery
helping with washing
checking in on me with a phone call or text
Educating and informing yourself on what current policy is, and also you’re your rights are through this time is crucial and empowering. Reaching out to a trusted source to, rather than taking truth from social media or well meaning friends and family is an important part of this process.
Open and honest communication with your partner is crucial, now more than ever. Working towards a space where you and your partner are both able to openly express one another's feelings and needs can really nurture the experiences of the postnatal period and beyond.
Utilizing the benefits that the online world can offer. Linking in with supportive and helpful online groups during the early stages of motherhood and parenting can be helpful. It is important, that you find a group that leaves you feeling supported, and this may differ depending on each mothers personal journey.
Setting up an agreement with a trusted and supportive loved one, separate from your partner, to talk/debrief/express your experiences of the changes that are upon you, either by phone, or face time is also important. Think 'women's circle', there is so much value in connecting with other like minded mamas about your experiences.
Reflecting on and checking in on, your expectations of self and others. Practising self compassion for the moments of imperfection, overwhelm, and everything in between.
Revisit what you are needing to feel nurtured and well. Engaging in self soothing and self care practices is a pertinent part of staying well in the face of prolonged stress.
Explore postnatal care options available to you, that sit within the 'essential services' category. For example, Doulas can offer wonderfully holistic and supportive care during the postnatal period.
Understanding and knowing what the NSW guidelines are in your local area. For example, exploring whether your circumstances fall within the ‘compassionate care’ guidelines.
Take care of your nervous system. During times of heighetened stress, our nervous system becomes heightened. Finding ways to soothe your nervous system can be helpful to overall feelings of wellbeing. Setting boundaries around social media and generalised media exposure, mindfulness and grounding, meditation, grounding, sensory breaks, and more are are all ways of taking care of your nervous system.
If finances allow, organizing services such as meal delivery, can ease some stress and offer you more time to take care of you and your baby.
Utilizing the governments Medicare allowance for telehealth should also be encouraged. There are perinatal psychologists, like myself, nationally, who are able to provide support to you as you move through the most significant time of change you may ever experience.
